Little darling, I never meant to make you cry.

Life moves hectically, it knows no intervals.
For me, at least, it seems a blur; these past two years in particular.
Exceptional, both in ecstasy and depression.
From a head so young, such burdens are always present.
I care for myself now.

I feel like such a trivial personality. There are many people who live out lives worse than mine without complaint. They simply put their heads down, and get on with it. I find petty outlets, such as this, to make such silly mutterings - am I wasting my time?

Quite possibly, yes.

Take your best shot. Oh, you think you've got me know.

you'll never take me alive.
you'll never take me alive.
you'll never take me alive.

Take my fucking hand, and never be afraid again.

Open Letter to Gerard Way.

Dear Gerard,

I always thought I was good at expressing myself through writing, until I tried writing this. And, okay, so you'll never read this, but that still doesn't make any of it easier to say. Here goes nothing.

I stumbled on your band accidently, and it took a year and a half after that before I actually realised how special you were.

Like yourself, I lost someone close to me. Like you lost your Grandma, I lost my Dad. I was only ten when it happened, and I don't think I properly mourned his death until last year when it really hit me. 'Helena' always was, and always will be, my favourite My Chemical Romance song. You wrote it for your Grandma, and it just made perfect sense to me; how you must've felt when you wrote it, and the sense of emotion in it. For a while, death scared me. After losing my Dad, I thought I was going to lose everyone. I still do, sometimes. You helped me deal that. You helped me realise that, even when people die, they never cease to exist.

Thank you, for teaching me to believe in myself (although I'm still learning). Thank you for puting a smile on my face. Thank you, for giving me the strength to stand on my own two feet. Thank you, for being the reason that I refuse to give up. Thank you, for helping me figure everything out. Thanks for being there when I couldn't trust anyone else.
Thank you, for giving me a life worth living.

Familar, yet ever so unappealing.

Quite simply; I want to go home.
Familar routines, rooms and possessions.
I am treated here with good grace and hospitality,
But I wish only to be alone just now.
These faces are quite demanding, knowing not of my tendency to keep myself to myself.
Even typing words on this, feels odd to me.
My words written on a machine that is in no way mine.


Take me home, please.

Yes, I am aware.

I'm not ignorant enough to assume that the world falls to my feet.
Unlike some; the shallow, the vain, the conceited and the self-assured.
I do not deserve adoration or empty compliments.
At times, I do desire, if not crave, some attention.
But remember this - I deserve none.

Disturbing, as it is Beautiful.

Burdened with sickness, I scarcely leave this bed.
In an hour, or maybe even two, I shall need to venture outdoors,
Food and water lacking in my chambers.
I have already cancelled all further appointments today,
Assessments and conversations that will simply have to wait until a later date.
I am in no fit state to listen, talk or perform.
I wish only to be left alone;
Time with myself being something I am robbed of these days.

Yet today I feel different. A storm is nearing, I feel.
I struggle to grasp at emotional connections.
I fail, and this in itself brings out emotion.
Frustration.

Leave me be today.
When I remerge tomorrow, I will no doubt still feel the same.
But, with smiles and with grace, it will not show.


Thou canst not teach me to forget.